Jun 292009

Yet again we line up to see the Summer event: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (TROF)

We made the 11:00 movie, even after waiting on line for 20 minutes. Apparently, most Chinese people didn’t want to see the English version.

You see this picture? Its a bad photograph. Shot with an Apple iPhone. Which is an expensive phone not suitable for taking good pictures. However, the talent behind this photograph – Haga – was far greater than the talent behind TROF. You see, like this photo of people standing on line to see TROF, the movie was mostly a big, loud, expensive blur. There were two good scenes in the whole movie. The first good scene was when we got to see Megan Fox’s butt presented for us while she straddled a motorcycle. The second good scene was when Optimus Prime fights a group of Deceptecons in a forest. The latter scene was basically ripped from The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (LOTR:FOTR), when Borimar fights off the orcs to protect the Hobbit ring-bearers, then dies. Why was this scene good? Because it was THE ONLY fight scene in the movie in which one could tell what is going on, who is where, etc.

OK. One other good scene at the beginning of the movie when a shard of the AllSpark animates a bunch of home appliances, which go on a rampage. I was sort of wishing we could see a movie wherein people fight animated home-appliances threw the entire movie. That would be sort of cool.

Michael Bay (who is a dumb-ass tool … DAT) was given a lot of money to throw at this project. And he decided that the people who must like this movie must like robots who curse (use the M-F combination), people who like to see a chihuahua hump toy-bulldog (two scenes of this, not connected to anything), little robots hump Megan Fox’s leg (um…why?) , and a shapeshifting transformer who can imitate a sexy girl (brings to mind a certain movie in which the governor of California fights a shape-shifting android from the future…that movie had 10X more plot than TROF). Basically, Bay assumed he was making a movie for the stupidest of audiences.

I got to say this though…I’m a fan of military porn. I like pictures of Israeli women carrying M16s. And I like how in TROF, there are a lot of money shots, in slow-motion, of brave metrosexual-looking US armed forces guys lovingly climb into their fighting vehicles. I’m not saying I’m gay and get turned on by seeing men and their fighting equipment. Not that there is anything wrong with being gay…cause there isn’t… but I’m not gay.

There were fewer unnecessary human characters in this movie. In the last Transformers movie, there was about 30 throw-away characters, including: the Australian blond analyst, the black fat computer hacker guy, most of the soldiers, the black soldier who has the line “Left cheek!”, the main soldier’s wife, the analyst from Sector 7, the John Turturo character, the sheriff who arrests Sam, Bernie Mac, and about 10 others. OK. There are still alot of throw-away characters in TROF. For instance, the Sam’s college room-mate. The room-mate’s hippy friends. The bureaucrat from NAS. The black soldier who now does not get to yell “Left cheek!”. And about 5 more. However, now we get throw-away robot characters. Such as: the Blackbird Scottish transformer. The two ghetto-black-guy-coded Mini-Cooper transformers who use profanity. The motorcycle autobots. The autobot named “side-swipe” or something like that. The little robot which humps Megan Fox’s leg. And even the shape-shifting sexy Deceptecon is basically a throw-away character.

Anyway, spending time seeing this movie was more enjoyable than say…standing outside waiting for a bus on a really hot day. The popcorn was cheap. The kids didn’t have to go pee. No one in the theater seemed to concerned about kids running around and climbing on seats because they couldn’t focus on images on the screen…the movie was just so loud that we could not hear them anyway. There was a few scenes that were cool. And that’s all I have to say.

Stay tuned for next post, wherein I review a noodle restaurant!

 Posted by at 9:14 pm

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